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Mt. Sinai - Bridal Preparations Part 2Last week we talked about Agape love. Unconditional love. This is how the Father loved us and despite our shortcomings and brokenness He is expecting that we not only learn to love HIM with agape love, but to love others in that way as well.Mt. Sinai is tomorrow. The day that most agree the Torah was given 3500 years ago. The Torah / Instructions of God was a marriage Ketubah. He took Israel as His bride but yet they broke their end of the covenant over and over.And approx.. 1992 years ago...... Yeshua sent us the helper.... the Ruach HaKodesh. And, as we taught last year around this time... The Ruach is the breath and power of God.So rather than make the “Focus of Shavuot”...... tongues of fire.... why don’t we focus on the most important aspect of having the Ruach or the breath and power of God at work in our lives.Could it be so that we would have the power within us (HIS POWER) to walk this life out in a pleasing manner to our Creator?If we are His Bride..... perhaps we need this power in order to finish the race and present ourselves undefiled unto Him on His return??? It says He is coming back for a Bride who has prepared herself.So, again today we are going to relate to marriage here and now and how that can prepare us to be the Bride of Messiah in the future.We sort of closed out last week talking about communication. The same exact words spoken by a man and a woman can mean two entirely different things..... We call that speaking pink and blue. Men speak blue and understand each other perfectly.... with few words.Women speak pink and almost all women understand it fluently even when spoken in broken, spiderwebbing, rabbit trailing English. Men are lost in seconds where women know exactly where their girlfriend is going with the conversation.This is where women must make some sacrifices and understand that your spouse will not “Easily” see things the way you see them. You must extend grace to him and be patient with him till he becomes a little more fluent in understanding pink.... the language of female. The best-case scenario women would be this. That your husbands would learn to understand you better and perhaps one day fluently. But your biggest mistake would be if you expect your husband to start “Speaking” to you in pink.Be content if he just learns to understand you because YOU..... need to learn to understand blue.. the language of male. It’s a two-way street.It’s a proven fact, that women learn foreign languages faster. And the average foreign language has over a ? million words to learn.To learn Male...... 300 or so words and your good. We don’t require much and 1,000 words........ and your beyond fluent in male.Let’s make a conscious effort to learn to understand each other without changing who we are because God created us differently.Cornelia and I put a few rules in place in our relationship and it has really helped us over the years. Perhaps they will help you so I will share them with you.1) At all times, remember you are on the same team. She wants the best for you and you want the best for her. Remember that before you start speeding up the crazy cycle. Sometimes I take a deep breath and a slow exhale before I answer......... and it ALWAYS helps.2) Has your wife ever asked where you want to go for dinner? All of the sudden the fear of God sets in. Oh no, she is asking again. Does she really want to hear my choice or is this a trick?It was Sally and Sam’s 15th year anniversary. Sam got home for work and Sally asked him.... Where are we going for dinner? Sam was caught off guard and looked a bit stunned. Come on Sam, it’s our anniversary, where are you taking me to dinner.Sam thinks quick and blurts out “anywhere you want to go dear”. Sally says, no no no... I want YOU to choose where to go. Sam thinks about it for a minute and it hits him. “Let’s go to that place on Hwy 57 that serves up a great steak. It’s two for one tonight!” Sally is devastated..... “You would take me to a truck stop on our anniversary? I can’t believe you.... your so dense!”Sam - Well you asked me to choose and they do have great steaks?Sally – But You should have known where I want to go........Sam storms off to the man cave and the crazy cycle is in full speed.Women, yet not I, but the LORD commands you... if you ask your husband to pick the restaurant ............ LIVE WITH IT.If you want to go somewhere in particular........ TELL US. IN A MILLION YEARS WE WILL NEVER LEARN TO READ YOUR MIND.3) This one is really important. We are all going to have to learn a little compromise, right? We do in our house and you will too.Guys – You can’t sweep it under the rug with your wife. Deal with the issue, give her some time, and care about her feelings. Give her the courtesy of hearing her out and responding gently.Ladies – You can’t expect your husband to sit and take it for an hour. Call a girlfriend if you need an hour. Let him learn slowly. Isaiah 28:10 was written exclusively for women dealing with husbands.For it is precept upon precept, line upon line, here a little, there a little.”Give them a little time and they too can become fluent in Female......4) This is an absolute rule in our house and it has prevented a lot of needless arguments over the years.If a husband does something unloving or if your wife does something disrespectful, it must be dealt with that day...... or left alone forever. Half the women in the room just gasped in horror....You can’t bring up a fault 2 weeks from now as we will have no clue what you are talking about. We bury it and it’s literally gone forever.If it offended you, then deal with it that very day. Try this next time something happens and both of you do it gently....Ladies try this: “I am sorry dear..... that sounded so unloving. Did I do something to disrespect you recently that I am unaware of?”Men try this: “I am sorry honey..... that sounded so disrespectful. Did I do something unloving to you that I am unaware of?”You can actually make this a fun thing.... You can nip the problem in the bud and diffuse a possible blowup - OR - you can strap on your running shoes and get ready for the crazy cycle to speed up. It’s your call, but who is going to be the more mature one and be the first to diffuse the bomb?I am going to share some excerpts to one of the best books I have ever read with one of the worst titles on planet earth...... for men. Women love this title but for men? They would run from this title.“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Smalley.This book will transform your lives men.... and you too women. Today won’t do it justice as we don’t have the time, but I will clearly outline why some if not most relationships struggle. And the great thing is this easily applies to your kids, relationships at work, but most importantly... you need to apply it to your spouses. The 5 Love Languages are:Physical Touch Words of Affirmation Quality TimeActs of Service Gifts (Receiving and Giving)Most people have one or two primary love languages meaning those are the things that speak to them as most important. Then the others may or may not be important but on a lesser degree.VIP – It’s ok if your languages are different.As long as you learn to speak your spouse’s love language and vice versa you don’t have to have the same languages in common. Let me give a very brief overview and explain the concept.Physical Touch..... Easy Cowboys. Men’s eyes lit up, caps went up... All the sudden the men are at full attention, right? Men....This is referring to touch that is not “Immediate” intimacy. Holding hands, your spouse rubbing your back, stroking your head, or just being in each other’s arms watching something. Physical touch is powerful and may be a primary love language for many people.If it is your wife’s number one language she most likely just needs you to rub her shoulders, hug her, hold her hand in public. It is the connection that does not say “I need intimacy right now”. If that comes later... bonus.? Wives, be careful how you word your complaints to your husbands.One wife observed the neighbor kissing his wife good bye every morning by the car. She was frustrated it didn’t happen to her so she blurted it out. Hank, don’t you see how Sam kisses Sally goodbye every morning before heading off to work? Why don’t you do that? Hank said, How can I... I hardly know her.Words of Affirmation – Many people need this since we grew up in a culture where men and women honestly are brutal with each other. We were taught that respect is earned. The bible teaches it should be given unconditionally to our husbands. When I met Cornelia, I had experienced 20 years of being torn down verbally so it was critical for me that she spoke words affirming that she saw value in me. It was my life blood for years. Today I am fine as she always lets me know she respects me.Women raising a family have one of the toughest jobs and one that should be honored above all other jobs, but too often they are treated as if they are less than their working counterparts. A little affirmation of how wonderful a job she is doing with the kids and taking care of the home would go a long way for many women.Even if it is not the primary one, Words of Affirmation always are encouraging in a day and time when few people hear them.Quality Time – This is a big one and especially in a world that despite all our technological advances..... we have less time than ever before. We are busy running here and there and it seems the only thing in the world we have less of is time these days.Quality time means focused time. This is an example that easily translates into our time with the Father. Is it “focused” or just when you have some left-over spare time? That doesn’t work with the father or your spouses.It has to be a set time that you are focused on the other person. ? Kids often crave this as they are brushed off in a busy world, given video games and handed off to relatives. All kids need quality time. ? But men, often your wives get last place in the family when it was not designed to be that way from the beginning. Quality time is critical to most couples and to improve most relationships even if it is not the primary love language. Learn to carve out time for the one you are spending the rest of your life with.Acts of Service – This is just doing everyday things for your spouse that show them you care...... and here is the tough part men..... without being asked. ? You know if the grass needs cut. ??When garbage is spilling onto the floor.... you get the picture.? Perhaps it’s just vacuuming the floor without being asked ? Or telling her you are going to watch the kids for a couple hours so she can get together with her girlfriend.It just needs to be spontaneous and unrequested.Women, you too may need to do these acts for your husband. Maybe pack him a lunch and slip a little note inside telling him how much you appreciate he is a hard worker. Write something respectful that fits, and see how his countenance changes when he comes home. Just be careful because if you pack a salad.... he May be wondering all day what he did wrong. Just saying......And the last one is Gifts – This may not be the most popular on the list but it is a reality for some people. They may love to give and or receive things and it doesn’t always have to be expensive things. It is just the idea that you thought of her, or she was thinking about you all day that makes it special. ? Bringing home flowers randomly not just on obvious holidays.? Surprising your wife with a spa day every once in a while.? Blow her mind by planning a picnic to a beautiful location.? Leave her a few scavenger notes to find after your gone that lead to a small gift you hid in the house for her to find.? Set your husband up with a Fishing trip with his buddies.? Buy him that ugly shirt he loves in Walmart that you can’t stand.? Cook his favorite meal and sit with him and watch the game..... even if you don’t like the game.The most important take away from the Five Love Languages is this...You can’t expect your spouse to respond to something YOU desire. Your spouse will respond to what they desire just like you respond to what you desire. It has to work both ways.One huge key to good communication is understanding what makes your spouse tick. If her language is quality time.... then give her some quality time with TV off, cell phone down and just talk to her.A recent study at Harvard Medical school found that of the men who committed to talking with their wives daily..... None died from it. We are not asking you to go from today to 4 hours of eye batting conversation a day. Start somewhere. Ten minutes a day and work up. Who knows, maybe you will fall in love with her all over again.Jim Datillo asked us on Thursday.... have we lost our first love? Maybe if you start committing time every day to spending with Yeshua you will fall in love with Him all over again? When you read about what happens to the Churches of Revelation that do NOT change their ways..... it’s worth making sure we have our relationship with Yeshua in order and functioning at the Bridal level.When you start to put some of these concepts into practice...... Something extraordinary will happen. You will begin to understand each other and realize something that was in the Bible all along.Yeshua said in Matthew 19:4 “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female”. Did you catch that? Male and female.... Thank God we were created differently. Not wrong.... just different.We defined last week what the Crazy Cycle is. ? So here is how to break the crazy cycle and if you are persistent and if you care about your spouse like you’re supposed to care...... then it’s possible to put the Crazy Cycle in the rear view mirror and do what we are supposed to do to Egypt..... Never go back.Now you need to learn the - Energizing Cycle. It is the exact opposite of the Crazy Cycle.His unconditional love... motivates her to give unconditional respect.Her unconditional respect...motivates him to give unconditional love.So, the only question left is simple.Who is going to be the more mature one and start first?If we continue doing the same thing and get the same bad results??? What are we doing? Dr. Phil made this question popular. So, how’s that working for ya?Isn’t it time, as believers in Messiah Yeshua, that we start being that light to the world that is so desperately needed? It starts in your home. It starts with you men. Are you ready to change what isn’t working so you can start living a life pleasing to the Father and to live peaceably with your life partner, your spouse, one of God’s kids?You know what is amazing? How many of you are still here......So let’s summarize.? We have discussed the biblical mandate of Love and Respect.? We have learned we all have differences and there is nothing wrong with that. Not wrong.... just different.? We have learned that men and women react differently and respond differently and it’s important to know why and be ok with that.? Hopefully, we have also learned some new communication skills to improve how you interact with each other moving forward.? Most important, I hope that in the future.... All glory is given to God, to whom all glory is due as you see your relationships restored and improved greatly.All this will help improve your marriage but there are a few last thoughts & ideas I hope to leave with you tonight before we finish.1) It probably took many years to get into the situation you are in today. Your relationship didn’t go sour in a month, so with that in mind. There is no overnight fix but I promise you this. If you both love God and want to please Him first and foremost, then your relationship will change for the better. Just give it some time.2) Your reward is coming. If I told some of you that are really on the rocks that I can guarantee a great result in just 90 days.... would you be getting so frustrated on day 3? Of course not. Patience will lead to the reward which is worth more than jewels.? Your reward is true shalom in your home.? A wife that really does respect you and treats you like her Prince.? A husband that loves you unconditionally and honors you in the home.? Your wife can be a Proverbs 31 woman......But it all starts with the man. As the assigned Spiritual Leader in your home I encourage you to be faithful to this and watch how God will bless your union together.3) Why do we keep Torah? Is it to earn Salvation? NEVER... We do it to please and honor our King who asked us to do so. Ladies, Your husband is a son of a King !Men, Your wife is a daughter of that King! Treat your spouse with Love and Respect to honor your KING.4) Marriage could be...... kind of sort of..... a test.Yeshua is the bridegroom. We as believers are betrothed to Him. Is it possible that the way we treat our bride here on earth may reflect our attitude toward Him? Does Yeshua or the Father want to spend eternity with someone that can’t even follow the simplest Scripture verses with the one person in this world that is supposed to be most important to them?I am certainly not saying that if you fail at marriage you won’t be a part of His Kingdom, but throughout the Scriptures we are commanded to examine ourselves. Would it not be a good idea to examine our hearts toward our spouses to see if some improvement is needed? What if your spouse was given to you to prepare you for the Yeshua’s return and the marriage consummation????How would Messiah rate your agape love for your wife if he came back today?5) The Ultimate Reward - We are all familiar with Scriptures that are easy to read but hard to practice aren’t we.Love your enemy... Forgive them 70 x 7 times... If someone has something against you go take care of it... Sometimes doing what is right is not easy. That’s the point. If it was easy everyone would do it. If you are truly doing all things, as to the Master, then perhaps your attitude will change toward your spouse even when it’s not easy.After all, your ultimate reward is Eternity in HIS Kingdom. “Obedience is just the proof that true faith actually exists.”It’s time for everyone to get off the Crazy Cycle and jump on the Energizing Cycle and it starts today. It starts with you.And I will leave you with one last story that perfectly illustrates the way men see things versus women and we will then close with a prayer for Shavuot.??? It was the first night for two newlyweds in their bridal suite and the young husband was standing beside the window and staring out very intently into the starry night while his young bride was sitting patiently in bed waiting. She put on a wedding night garment and just a little frustrated she said “Aren’t you coming to bed darling?” with her best sexy voice. ”Not on your life!” he replied while still staring out the window. “My mother said this would be the most wonderful night of my life and I’m not going to miss it for anything!”Male and Female........ Not wrong..... just very different......We are inching closer and closer to Yeshua’s eventual return for His bride as He promised us 2000 years ago. ? Passover represents our Salvation in Messiah Yeshua.? Unleavened Bread represents our resurrection from the dead and our being born again into the spirit to walk with Messiah.? Shavuot represents the giving of the power of God / His Ruach so we can walk this life out in a pleasing manner to our King.The Fall Feasts we will discuss at length in August September but they represent the return of our Messiah, judgment and the Marriage Supper of the Lamb / the Wedding.So, what does all that time in between represent?? It represents the time of preparation to become the Bride. Learning for head knowledge has little value. But learning for application in this life and the next has great value.Our relationship with our spouses should reflect our relationship with our Creator. The summer season between the Feasts represents intimacy with Messiah and that intimacy must be developed over time. ? Are we getting to know HIM..... or learning about mysticism?? Are we learning agape love... or arguing where Yeshua was crucified and did he fulfill the Red Heifer?? Are we giving God the first of our time, talents and money...... or spending months studying why He doesn’t need any of that anymore?Learning, knowledge, insight...... it’s all good but not if it is never put into practice through loving God and loving others.Time may be short or it may not be..... who really knows? But tomorrow is a gift that not everyone on the planet will receive. Luke 12:20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?’We need to put this Agape love into practice today for all our relationships. Today can be the day of restoration of your marriages, your relationships with your kids and most important... your relationship with God. Let’s pray......
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